Donald Trump declared to astounded Republicans today that “George Washington was no hero!”
“He lost all those battles!” Trump yelled, frothing at the mouth. “I like winners! Even Benedict Arnold won battles!”
In other news, apparently starting up your own pharma company doesn’t guarantee success. But it could be worth a try (1).
In scarcely related news, an Alzheimer clinical trial is under threat since USC poached researchers Paul Aisen et al. from UCSD (2). “Aisen has headed the Alzheimer’s disease Cooperative Study since 2007 and is running a clinical trial to determine if a drug developed by Eli Lilly can slow or prevent Alzheimer’s in people who do not yet have memory problems.”
“Who cares about Alzheimer’s patients?” screamed Donald Trump as he writhed on the ground. “They’re idiots! Just ask them what they had for lunch yesterday – they don’t know!” At this time it is not clear who landed the first punch in the ensuing melee. Possibly someone who recalled that The Donald’s own father died of Alzheimer’s (3). “Teletubbies are killing your children!” Trump’s voice cut through the pile. Everyone who had launched themselves onto the stage stopped and sat up. “Yes, you heard me right! While they watch some pink triangle, the winners of the world are honing their boxing skills (4)!” The right-wing lunatic fringe crowd burst into cheers and hoisted a jubilant Trump onto their shoulders in a victory lap around Iowa.